Still racing for it

So I understood part of psychology and how it works, but what was supposed to be next? Is it a dead end, where does psychology come from? These question took me deeper and deeper in exploration and what I found, surprisingly, it was the I inside..hiding from all my bad experiences, failures, fears. Something huge was cooking there, with so many ingredients.. scary! Everything seems to be fractalisation from an answer to another new question. What can I do but go and ‘hunt’ for an answer inside me. Who can answer a question better than our own research and explanations of things!? The big confrontation with my inner self, the so called ego started and it was announcing to be something really big, worth to be mentioned in the books.

All began with trying to improve myself, become better, understand where are the mistakes, accept them, accept myself, accept and understand the other..it seems to be so simple and clear…and it is! So like little Alice I went into my wonderland where all my fears, all my negative beliefs, all my evil feelings and desires were resting and I went on to tear them into pieces, to make everything disappear, to make all of them invisible. But now honestly it is tough, deeper than it seems to be and though so simple if you trust what others, wiser maybe, tell you. It is like slaying the bad dragon that you’ve been feeding all your life with these fears of going in the woods, of riding a horse, of yourself, of what you are, of what you do, all the dark thoughts that you have in mind and most of all it all hits in others and after back to you. We all feel the guilt after making a wrong thing, but we can’t accept it, we all feel bad when we go on the stage and we start being nervous. Why????? Because this is only in our imagination, that subconscious, that inner self, ego however you want to name it. This is the engine of most bad moves that we make, covered with our inner frustrations. Do we really want to have these in our lives? No, so we have the option to accept them, understand them and eliminate them. Our nature is to be pure, not shadowed by darkness created by us, ourselves.

Maybe is wrong that we take all this external information from the mass media, from people who are so deeply covered in fog that we absorb all these and we build on them in us..on the burdens of some movie stars who are depressed, on terrorism, on wars, on the evilness of that conquered our world. Also the fashion, the pressure to be beautiful, to be perfect, to look like X or Z. We are all the same on the inside, it is just we are being guided by the wrong teachers and we take too many wrong turns in the process. As above all these pile up in the inside and I know how difficult is to accept that we’ve been doing these wrong things for such a long time and we’ve been walking this wrong path for so long. Where do we have to get to accept that we might be wrong in our reasoning, reactions, life or approach to things!? Should we be almost dead because of our fears and our mistakes to try to change them.  Every time I speak to someone about changing a character the answer I get – impossible, too old, too… I don’t know how many other excuses. Have you tried as hard enough as you tried to make your business going or the bank account growing? Or how hard you worked to get over exams? NO is just the simple answer, the easy path to a solution. How much it would change if we had no negations in our vocabulary. So what I did to myself…took a lesson from ‘Yes Man’ J. Just kidding, but it is a good solution when you want to improve and reach a different, better state of being, where you can understand yourself. We try so much to understand the others, to adapt and be good that we forget to meet our inner self. I tried, maybe I am still fighting, but I can say that meditation helped me, philosophy, Bible, the Gita. It is the fight I directed to my inner self and everything built in there.. quite interactive and in the end you can only say how clear and simple are things, just open, accept, understand and it will come. Being good and pure is one of the greatest blessings we get when we are born, not rudeness, nor bad thoughts.

Once again it is such an easy thing to say I can’t, it is not possible. If you don’t see it on TV, or if it is not a best seller than you don’t have to deny this. We don’t need doctors, we don’t need psychologist, we must be our own selves. If you want to be honest, be honest to yourself, God is in each of us, helping and supporting and each mistake, interpreted as karma, hits back. Don’t burden others with your frustrations as you will never reach that happiness. Listen to the ones who say they suffered traumas, comas, the ones who won their fight with cancer, leukaemia! These people fight with themselves, not with the ones around, but with the malfunction of the body.. About the drugs..the medics, it is much of moral support or guidance, it helps to boost the power of your mind not to demonstrate that science can cure it. We are after all relying on people who surround us, to the society as a whole, not us in part. We see ourselves not in us but in others. We ignore that all the remedies are in us as long as we search for them but we sadly accept to rely on all external factors. Our confrontation  with ‘I’ might happen too late in our lives..

So what are we actually racing for!?..gold of course :P